Hi. I am the wife or a US Marine. Hes not home right now please leave a message after the beep:::
Once again I am left to move alone. LOL How many times has he accomplished this feat of getting out of the moving process?! I beleive 7. HA Beat that! :) I dont blame him I hate moving the only good thing about this is that i can throw away a lot of shit. HAHAHA
*sigh* I do miss him terribly already though. Today is day two. I cant say where hes going when hell get there or when hell be back, its aginst the rules. ;) But hell be gone a while, far away, and the return is a mystery.. not just for you but for me too.
I know he misses us, and we *me and kaelyn* miss him terribly. I havent really cried, i mean i cried when he left and I cried when i laid down in bed next tot he bear he gave me for valentines before he left... it smells like him. Tim McGraw smelly goodness. Im less emotional than last year by far.. I jsut hope he is coping okay.. i mean ... He had to leave not only me but Kaelyn too! I know thats got to be really really hard. A lot harder than this is for me.
{I love you baby, and i miss you. Come home to me and kae soon. Hugs and kisses ... bunches and bunches.... MUAH}
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Ahh, the 2008 Darwin Awards....
These make me proud to be slightly educated and not a retarded human being... Read and you will understand my statement. :)
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID.. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.
"
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had..
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID.. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.
"
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had..
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
People who deserve to be punched in the face...
Exactly what the title says...
1. Do Not Disturb Waiter
Last time I checked, a waiter’s job was to wait on the people. A modern day servant if you will. A modern day servant making more tips than I'm making writing this stupid note, or pretending to work while I watch random videos on Youtube.But some of these skivvies just don’t get the point. Like they’re doing you a favor by bringing your food - plopping it on the table like gruel in an orphanage. You’re missing a fork and there’s a toenail in your risotto? Well too bad sucka, ’cause your waiter’s too busy doing lines in the bathroom and looking pensive by the bar.Next time you have to deal with this menial serf, go ahead and read him the daily specials: bangers and mash with a side of black eye.
2. Dinner Time Telemarketer
Ring, ring. “Hello, I’d like to talk to you about an interesting new opportunity in the credit market. I called at this hour because I knew you would be home enjoying the only time you have to spend with your family/girlfriend/boyfriend/dog, who you technically neglect for the other 22 hours in the day. I’d also like to ruin whatever serenity you had achieved, by making you get up from the table and answer the phone, even though you know it’s me and will curse yourself for the next 8 minutes, leaving you irrationally enraged by something as ridiculous as a telephone call from a turd in a headset.”Yeah, well guess what Dinner Time Telemarketer? In the new millenium, calls can be traced. And we have no problem interrupting your lunch with a lucrative opportunity to get nailed in the face. That goes for you too Indian call center.
3. Overly-Self Rightous Vegan
Listen up vegans. I have nothing against your people. I want to like you, and I respect your commitment to making rubbery substances taste vaguely of meat. But some of your cronies are making us feel bad for enjoying the succulent flavor of grain-fed, humanely raised animal flesh.It’s ok if you think meat is murder, or if you never saw The Lion King and therefore have no understanding of the circle of life. Just don’t interrupt my peaceful lunch with your unsolicited moral lunacy. I don’t barge in on your seitan dinners reciting stories from the slaughterhouse, and I expect the same kind of consideration in return.If you happen to be Overly Self Righteous Vegan, consider yourself warned. Because the next time you open your organic trapdoor, there’s gonna be blood, and PETA won’t be there to hear you scream.
4. Last Question Class Extender
Some people always wait to the last possible minute to do everything - order at the drive through, pay child support, ask questions in class. It’s ridiculous. You just went 180 minutes without a word, then all of a sudden you’re Barbara Walters.You would think in a place of higher education, these types of chowderheads would know better. Yet here we are, forced to endure 20 more minutes of nonsensical blabber courtesy of Last Question Class Extender.And before you come at me with the whole “college is all about self-discovery, and we should be in class because we want to, not because we are forced to, blah, blah, blah” Know that after three hours of Advanced Introduction to Metaphysics with Professor Stinky Beard, even the staunchest dork can’t handle one minute extra.So here’s a free lesson, the less you hold up class, the less chance you’ll end up with a potato sack of knowledge dumped on your brain cave.
5. Full Volume Headphone Guy
8:36 am. So far, you’ve lost 26 minutes on the platform, missed 4 L trains, and contracted some kind of infection from the smell of aged urine. But, it’s cool, because the dude whose armpit will be in your face for the next half hour is blasting Staind from his portable space-age music device.As much as I love epic, early 90s, rip-off radio rock, it’s just too effing early. That goes for you too, Beyonce blaster. And all the rest of you lowlifes who insist on pushing your musical tastes on the poor morning commuter, like an early -bird Jehova’s Witness.So next time you’re sandwiched against this toolbag, make sure you turn up the volume…on his face. Hard to hear with all that ringing in your ears isn’t it buddy?
A few others:
6. Two Spot Parker
7. Express Checkout Cheater
8. Inaccurate Wikipedia Contributer
9. Movie Theater Text Messager
10. "Reply All" Guy
Oh, and apparently, this guy.... >>>
1. Do Not Disturb Waiter
Last time I checked, a waiter’s job was to wait on the people. A modern day servant if you will. A modern day servant making more tips than I'm making writing this stupid note, or pretending to work while I watch random videos on Youtube.But some of these skivvies just don’t get the point. Like they’re doing you a favor by bringing your food - plopping it on the table like gruel in an orphanage. You’re missing a fork and there’s a toenail in your risotto? Well too bad sucka, ’cause your waiter’s too busy doing lines in the bathroom and looking pensive by the bar.Next time you have to deal with this menial serf, go ahead and read him the daily specials: bangers and mash with a side of black eye.
2. Dinner Time Telemarketer
Ring, ring. “Hello, I’d like to talk to you about an interesting new opportunity in the credit market. I called at this hour because I knew you would be home enjoying the only time you have to spend with your family/girlfriend/boyfriend/dog, who you technically neglect for the other 22 hours in the day. I’d also like to ruin whatever serenity you had achieved, by making you get up from the table and answer the phone, even though you know it’s me and will curse yourself for the next 8 minutes, leaving you irrationally enraged by something as ridiculous as a telephone call from a turd in a headset.”Yeah, well guess what Dinner Time Telemarketer? In the new millenium, calls can be traced. And we have no problem interrupting your lunch with a lucrative opportunity to get nailed in the face. That goes for you too Indian call center.
3. Overly-Self Rightous Vegan
Listen up vegans. I have nothing against your people. I want to like you, and I respect your commitment to making rubbery substances taste vaguely of meat. But some of your cronies are making us feel bad for enjoying the succulent flavor of grain-fed, humanely raised animal flesh.It’s ok if you think meat is murder, or if you never saw The Lion King and therefore have no understanding of the circle of life. Just don’t interrupt my peaceful lunch with your unsolicited moral lunacy. I don’t barge in on your seitan dinners reciting stories from the slaughterhouse, and I expect the same kind of consideration in return.If you happen to be Overly Self Righteous Vegan, consider yourself warned. Because the next time you open your organic trapdoor, there’s gonna be blood, and PETA won’t be there to hear you scream.
4. Last Question Class Extender
Some people always wait to the last possible minute to do everything - order at the drive through, pay child support, ask questions in class. It’s ridiculous. You just went 180 minutes without a word, then all of a sudden you’re Barbara Walters.You would think in a place of higher education, these types of chowderheads would know better. Yet here we are, forced to endure 20 more minutes of nonsensical blabber courtesy of Last Question Class Extender.And before you come at me with the whole “college is all about self-discovery, and we should be in class because we want to, not because we are forced to, blah, blah, blah” Know that after three hours of Advanced Introduction to Metaphysics with Professor Stinky Beard, even the staunchest dork can’t handle one minute extra.So here’s a free lesson, the less you hold up class, the less chance you’ll end up with a potato sack of knowledge dumped on your brain cave.
5. Full Volume Headphone Guy
8:36 am. So far, you’ve lost 26 minutes on the platform, missed 4 L trains, and contracted some kind of infection from the smell of aged urine. But, it’s cool, because the dude whose armpit will be in your face for the next half hour is blasting Staind from his portable space-age music device.As much as I love epic, early 90s, rip-off radio rock, it’s just too effing early. That goes for you too, Beyonce blaster. And all the rest of you lowlifes who insist on pushing your musical tastes on the poor morning commuter, like an early -bird Jehova’s Witness.So next time you’re sandwiched against this toolbag, make sure you turn up the volume…on his face. Hard to hear with all that ringing in your ears isn’t it buddy?
A few others:
6. Two Spot Parker
7. Express Checkout Cheater
8. Inaccurate Wikipedia Contributer
9. Movie Theater Text Messager
10. "Reply All" Guy
Oh, and apparently, this guy.... >>>
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