People who deserve to be punched in the face...

Exactly what the title says...

1. Do Not Disturb Waiter
Last time I checked, a waiter’s job was to wait on the people. A modern day servant if you will. A modern day servant making more tips than I'm making writing this stupid note, or pretending to work while I watch random videos on Youtube.But some of these skivvies just don’t get the point. Like they’re doing you a favor by bringing your food - plopping it on the table like gruel in an orphanage. You’re missing a fork and there’s a toenail in your risotto? Well too bad sucka, ’cause your waiter’s too busy doing lines in the bathroom and looking pensive by the bar.Next time you have to deal with this menial serf, go ahead and read him the daily specials: bangers and mash with a side of black eye.

2. Dinner Time Telemarketer
Ring, ring. “Hello, I’d like to talk to you about an interesting new opportunity in the credit market. I called at this hour because I knew you would be home enjoying the only time you have to spend with your family/girlfriend/boyfriend/dog, who you technically neglect for the other 22 hours in the day. I’d also like to ruin whatever serenity you had achieved, by making you get up from the table and answer the phone, even though you know it’s me and will curse yourself for the next 8 minutes, leaving you irrationally enraged by something as ridiculous as a telephone call from a turd in a headset.”Yeah, well guess what Dinner Time Telemarketer? In the new millenium, calls can be traced. And we have no problem interrupting your lunch with a lucrative opportunity to get nailed in the face. That goes for you too Indian call center.

3. Overly-Self Rightous Vegan
Listen up vegans. I have nothing against your people. I want to like you, and I respect your commitment to making rubbery substances taste vaguely of meat. But some of your cronies are making us feel bad for enjoying the succulent flavor of grain-fed, humanely raised animal flesh.It’s ok if you think meat is murder, or if you never saw The Lion King and therefore have no understanding of the circle of life. Just don’t interrupt my peaceful lunch with your unsolicited moral lunacy. I don’t barge in on your seitan dinners reciting stories from the slaughterhouse, and I expect the same kind of consideration in return.If you happen to be Overly Self Righteous Vegan, consider yourself warned. Because the next time you open your organic trapdoor, there’s gonna be blood, and PETA won’t be there to hear you scream.

4. Last Question Class Extender
Some people always wait to the last possible minute to do everything - order at the drive through, pay child support, ask questions in class. It’s ridiculous. You just went 180 minutes without a word, then all of a sudden you’re Barbara Walters.You would think in a place of higher education, these types of chowderheads would know better. Yet here we are, forced to endure 20 more minutes of nonsensical blabber courtesy of Last Question Class Extender.And before you come at me with the whole “college is all about self-discovery, and we should be in class because we want to, not because we are forced to, blah, blah, blah” Know that after three hours of Advanced Introduction to Metaphysics with Professor Stinky Beard, even the staunchest dork can’t handle one minute extra.So here’s a free lesson, the less you hold up class, the less chance you’ll end up with a potato sack of knowledge dumped on your brain cave.

5. Full Volume Headphone Guy
8:36 am. So far, you’ve lost 26 minutes on the platform, missed 4 L trains, and contracted some kind of infection from the smell of aged urine. But, it’s cool, because the dude whose armpit will be in your face for the next half hour is blasting Staind from his portable space-age music device.As much as I love epic, early 90s, rip-off radio rock, it’s just too effing early. That goes for you too, Beyonce blaster. And all the rest of you lowlifes who insist on pushing your musical tastes on the poor morning commuter, like an early -bird Jehova’s Witness.So next time you’re sandwiched against this toolbag, make sure you turn up the volume…on his face. Hard to hear with all that ringing in your ears isn’t it buddy?

A few others:
6. Two Spot Parker
7. Express Checkout Cheater
8. Inaccurate Wikipedia Contributer
9. Movie Theater Text Messager
10. "Reply All" Guy

Oh, and apparently, this guy.... >>>